Miss Jean Louis.Â Blithely dismissed by Misha Collins as his “babysitter,” feared and adored by the thousands of GISHers worldwide, wrangler of hybrid beasties, and arbiter of mascot manners… she is the Queen of GISHWHES, but who is she, truly?
This question has haunted the researchers at The Red Panda Research Institute, because we like to think we know everything, and what we don’t know we should be able to make up plausibly.Â So we extended our claws, and started digging.
Her life is shrouded in mystery, and her official biography is sparse, telling us only that she was born in a hut in Khor Angar, in the (lovely but admittedly not-much-happenin’) Republic of Djibouti.
Many have proposed that she does not, in fact, exist; that she is merely the mass hallucination of a network yearning to place some kind of parental control over Misha.Â However, we here at The Red Panda Research Institute find this hard to believe; if any such control had been placed on him, it would have been documented by the WB insurance underwriters.
Others have claimed that she achieved her position by having blackmail material on the Master of Gishwhes.Â Careful study of this proposal has caused us to dismiss it out of hand: blackmail only works on someone who has shame, and the world’s finest scientists have failed to determine even an erg of of shame in Misha Collins.
A year’s-long intensive and totally scientific study of her Twitter fed has led TRPRI to the conclusion that the explanation for her explosive and relatively undocumented rise lies within her origins, and, in fact, why it is the only element specifically mentioned within her bio.Â ForÂ Djibouti is home to Lake Assal, one of the saltiest bodies of water on earth.Â Surely a child born into such an environment would be imbued, by both nature and nurture, with the saltiest of personality and wit.Â And indeed, her Twitter feed seems to bear this out, displaying both piquant and racy elements that seemed the perfect seasoning to compliment the otherwise potentially sentimental nature of GISHWHES.
It is therefore our conclusion that the secret to Miss Jean Louis’s otherwise-undocumented success lies, not in her stars, but her salts.