Tweaked from the original lyrics by Mel Brooks, and with a nod to Madeline Kahn, who made the original so perfect…
“She’s Tired” (the Agent remix)
(best recited with either a very bad German accent or a very good Yiddish one)
Here I stand, the goddess of Desire
Set writers on fire
I have this power
Morning noon and night it’s calls and meetings
Some quick rejectings
And then a shower
Novelist wannabees always surround me
They always hound me
With one request
Who can satisfy their lustful habits
I’m not a rabbit
I need some rest
I’m tired
Sick and tired of queries
I’ve had my fill of queries
From clueless and unpubbed
Tired, tired of being admired
Tired of queries uninspired
Let’s face it
I’m tired
I’ve read 1000’s of submissions
Again and again
They promise the moon
They’re always coming and going
Going and coming
And always too soon
Right readers?
I’m tired,
Tired of playing the game
Ain’t it a crying shame
I’m so tired
God dammit I’m exhausted
Tired, tired of playing the game
Ain’t it a crying shame
I’m so tired
[Editors:]
She’s tired (She’s tired)
Sick and tired of queries (Give her a break)
She’s had her fill of queries (She’s not a snake)
From clueless and unpubbed (Can’t you see she’s sick)
Tired (She’s bushed)
Tired of being admired (Let her alone)
Tired of queries uninspired (Get off the phone)
She’s tired (Don’t you know she’s pooped)
I’ve read 1000’s of submissions
Again and again
They write the same thing
They start with Roberts and Heinlein
But they don’t check my guideline
And the format’s all wrong.
Aye!
Tired, tired of playing the game
Ain’t it a freakin’ shame
I’m so…
Let’s face it my entire in-box is kapput!
[Editors:]
Tired!