Some day I’ll rewrite the entire musical, but for now…
“One”
One contractual obligation, every little deal we make
One endless negotiation, every book that we take
One clause and suddenly nobody else will agree
You know you’ll never be done ‘cause they want it for free
One editor in your office and you can forget ‘bout lunch
Now the publisher’s yelling your name, son
Oooh! Sigh! Give it your attention
Do I really have to mention this book’s the one
You pick up the telephone and know they’re
already demanding, very piqued
peripatetic, egotistical, cheap
You start negotiations and you know from their
maddening noise, clueless whirl
(One endless negotiation, every book that we take
All speshul snowflakes)
trolling
Can’t help all of their demands extolling
Loaded with entitlement is the
jauntily, sauntering, ambling, shambler
One, and you know you must
Shuffle along, counter their demand
This is the quintessence of publishing land
This is whatcha call negotiations!
Oh, renegotiate!
Can’t agree enough!
Ooh! Sigh! Give it your attention
Do I really have to mention
That’s the job!