Number One on the New York Times

 

original COVER OF THE ROLLING STONE lyrics written by Teh Awesome Shel Silverstein
Performed by: Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show-1972

[Spoken:]
Ha ha ha I don’t believe it.
Da, da, ah, ooh, don’t touch me.
Hey, Ray! Hey, Annie!*
Tell them who we are.

[Sung:]
Well, we’re big book writers, we got golden fingers.
And we’re loved everywhere we go.
(That sounds like us.)
We write about beauty, and we write with a hook,
Fifty thousand dollars a book. (Right.)
We plot out fast-moving chills,
That give you all kind of thrills.
But the thrill we’ve never known,
Is the thrill that’ll gitcha,
When you get your bestsellah,
Number one on The New York Times.

(New York Times) Wanna see my brand new cover.
(Times) Wanna buy five copies for my mother. (Yes.)
(Times) Wanna see my brand new cover,
Number One on the New York Times.

(That’s a very, very good idea.)

I got a hard workin’ agent name a-Dealin’ Wendy,
Who’s sellin’ me overseas
I got me a publicist who’s scary,
Getting out my name
Now it’s all designed to blow our minds,
But our minds won’t really be blown.
Like the blow that’ll gitcha,
When you get your bestsellah,
Number One on the New York Times.

(New York Times) Wanna see my brand new cover.
(Times) Wanna buy five copies for my mother. (Yes.)
(Times) Wanna see my brand new cover,
Number One on the New York Times.

[Spoken:]
Hey, I know how. Sparkly vampires!

[cue cash register sounds.]

(Ah, that’s beautiful.)

We got a lot of awesome cosplay groupies,
Who buy anything we write.
We got a hotshot Hollywood producer,
Who’s getting us in and tight.
We got all the friends that money can buy,
So we never have to be alone. (No.)
And we keep gettin’ richer,
But we can’t get our bestseller,
Number One on the New York Times.

(New York Times) Wanna see my brand new cover.
(Times) Wanna buy five copies for my mother. (Yes.)
(Times.) Wanna see my brand new cover,
Number One on the New York Times.

(I don’t know why we ain’t number one, baby.)
(Times.) Wanna buy five copies for my mother
(We’re hardworkin’ writers.)
(Times.) Wanna see my brand-new cover,
(I ain’t kiddin’ ya, it would be a beautiful cover.)
Number one on the New York Times
(Number one, right up top, man.)
(I can see it now, we’ll be up in the front,)
(Smilin man, ohh, beautiful.)

 

* Ray Feist & Anne McCaffrey, as the first two genre bestsellers who came to my mind and whose names scanned properly

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